My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. He’s amazing, and I can see myself marrying him and having a family one day. There is only one problem. We are healthy in our arguments EXCEPT when his job is brought up. He’s applying to go into the police academy.
I have always told people I would never be with a cop because of my own anxiety. We fight about this all the time, and while I don’t ask him to find something else to do, it’s kind of implied. I don’t mean to be like that (or do I?) because I want him to be happy and do what he wants, but I also am terrified his job won’t end well.
He asks why I am even dating him, and the honest truth is because he is an amazing man who truly does right by people. I love him. But do you think he is right? Is this something that can be overcome?
– Just One Thing
Dear Just One Thing,
It takes a particular kind of person – a very strong one – to marry a partner who is in the military or in law enforcement. The physical danger can create additional stress in relationships.
You cannot and should not dictate what your boyfriend’s job should be. If he thinks he can find emotional satisfaction in police work – provided he completes his training – he should give it a try. If you don’t think you can handle the stress of kissing him goodbye and being unsure that he will come home from work, then you are not the woman for him.
My friend of 30 years had knee replacement surgery 15 years ago. She is fully recovered, goes to the gym 3 days each week and walks 3 miles on the treadmill. She still has (and gets renewed each doctor visit) her handicap parking card.
Whenever we go anywhere and park, she always whips out her card and uses the handicap parking spots, even when there are multiple other spots available.
She’s extremely religious, and I cannot understand how she doesn’t realize this is morally wrong.
I have spoken to her about it, but she still does it. I am not a perfect person either, but this really bothers me. What do you think?
in the South
I think your friend should be ashamed of herself for abusing the privilege. And I also think the doctor who is aiding and abetting her in this fraud is equally at fault.
I have been married for 22 years. My husband is 60 and retired from the military. Ever since I have known him, he has always needed recognition and pats on the back, which I have tried to supply.
However, over the past 3 years, it has become hard to put up with. He wants lots of applause for any accomplishments and posts daily announcements on Facebook, which have become an embarrassment. It’s childish. I suspect his Facebook friends feel obligated to affirm how good their friend is. Should I mention that he needs to go lighter on his praise-fishing expeditions or remain quiet?
For the time being, remain quiet. If your husband starts to notice that he’s beginning to lose Facebook friends, suggest it to him then – gently. And encourage him to diversify his activities so he spends less time on Facebook.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.