DIXON – This ever happen to you? You wake up and there’s a nude man in your living room who’s raided your fridge and now is wandering, through your house, sippin’ your liquor and waving around a fireplace poker?
No? Well, apparently, it happened to some folks on South Dement Avenue on Thursday.
According to Dixon police, Joel E. Gartman, 52, of Dixon, tore open a screen in the back of a house in the 200 block a wee bit before midnight.
Not yet naked, Gartman crawled through the window, unscrewed some light bulbs, and, in an unusually courteous mood for a burglar, took off his shoes.
He grabbed three “alcoholic beverages” from the refrigerator and strolled through the house, drinking them.
Gartman then encountered a person sleeping on a couch, decided taking off just his shoes wasn’t enough, and stripped. He sat down next to the sleeping homeowner, fireplace poker in hand.
The homeowner woke up, realized that no, this was not a dream, and fled upstairs to wake the home’s other resident.
They both came downstairs to confront Gartman, who by this time had realized the error of his ways and was trying to hide.
The call went out to police, who responded to a report of an “unwanted male subject.” They knew they had the right house when they spotted Gartman in his altogether, and arrested him.
He is charged with residential burglary, punishable by 4 to 15 years, criminal trespass to a residence (for the break-in), which carries 1 to 3 years, and misdemeanor criminal damage to property (for the screen), theft (for the booze), and two counts of disorderly conduct.
Bond was set Friday at $100,000.