Elder Wisdom: Father addicted to video games

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Q. While I have a healthy relationship with my video games; my father is almost addicted. He's always playing them and the only time I see my dad is when he's on the phone for business. I don't understand; I know it's hurting my Mom but I don't know what to do. A. I believe that it is appropriate that you and your mom make an intervention with your dad just as you would if he were drinking too much. It seems as though your dad may indeed be addicted. Your mom and you need to sit down with him together and tell him the effect his behavior is having on the two of you. It should not be a blaming game but one based on how much it is hurting the two of you. Maybe you three can negotiate the amount of time he can spend gaming. If you have not already done this, I suggest it as a beginning. Remember, you don't want to accuse or attack him; you want to help him realize how he is affecting the family and that you are speaking out of love. Best Regards, John-G Old love returns Q. I have been married for 13 years; we are more partners than soulmates which often makes me feel like I am missing something. We have three wonderful children, and I often see them as the glue that keeps it all together. I have been contacted by my old love, and he wants to have a relationship of a physical nature with me. Shouldn't I just be happy to have a good, dependable husband and a good marriage? What is wrong with me and why am I still obsessing over this guy who wants nothing but a fling? A. After thirteen years, it's not unusual to discover that the practicalities and responsibilities of marriage have dampened romantic feelings. While you have a solid marriage, you realize that real marriages are much more complicated than fairy tales lead us to believe. Still there is a passionate part of you that longs for romance. Your former love has awakened that feeling. He sought you out and probably made you feel special and desirable. You have discovered that you are not satisfied just having a dependable husband and marriage. That does not mean there is something wrong with you. You want more passion in your life. The first place to look for that is in your own marriage. It's quite likely work, children, finances and such have taken priority. You can let your husband know that while you appreciate him, you are missing the spontaneity and romance you once had. Hopefully, the two of you will find ways to make your relationship the top priority, at least from time to time. Of course, taking action requires more effort than daydreaming, but I believe you will find the results much more satisfying. Best Regards, Kenti Wants to volunteer Q. As a 13-year-old, I have been looking for ways to improve myself. I want to volunteer somewhere, but there are few opportunities for 13-year-olds. Could you recommend anything? A. Volunteering not only is a great way to grow as a person but also a wonderful way to help others. You might consider going into the office of your school and asking for some suggestions. Many schools actually have outreach programs that go into the community to join young people with resources. Another resource to check out: www.volunteermatch.org, where you will find volunteer listings. If you belong to a church or religious organization, there will be opportunities as well. Contact the retirement communities or hospitals near your home to offer your services. Bless you for your good heart. You are making the world a better place by being in it. Best Regards, Jackie Elder Wisdom Circle is a nationwide network of seniors aged 60-105 offering their experience and advice to anyone with a question. Visit www.ElderWisdomCircle.org to seek advice. Look for their new book The Elder Wisdom Circle guide for a Meaningful Life.