How to stop family from piling up debt on credit card

E-mail this story

Print this story

Share

Dear Debt Adviser: How do I stop my wife and brother-in-law from burying me in more credit card debt? - Gerry Dear Gerry: You have a lot going on here. Debt problems, wife problems, relative problems and probably more that you didn't mention. Let me try to give you some practical but sensible suggestions.

I can imagine that many of my readers are yelling, "Cut up the cards!" But that might cause more problems than it solves.

So, I'm going to suggest that you speak up before you snip.

Get your wife alone and have a heart-to-heart talk about what she is doing and what it is doing to you. She may say, "Why Gerry, I had no idea." After all, stranger things have happened.

Regardless, I suggest that you ask her to stop. You also might ask why she is spending you into an early grave. She may be purchasing items to disguise a problem she is having and that she doesn't know how to fix. Be sure to remain calm, as discussions about money tend to get volatile.

OK, so much for Dr. Steve. If the touchy-feely approach fails, the next step is to cut off your wife's access to your credit. I don't recommend doing that without warning her in advance of your plans. But considering your wife's track record, I wouldn't let too much time pass - I'm talking hours here, not days.

Begin by calling the card issuers and closing the accounts that your wife and brother-in-law are using to accumulate debt in your name, as well as any accounts that they haven't gotten to yet.

Ideally, you should open one or two new accounts in your name (and your name only) before you close the old accounts. Closing the old accounts may hurt your credit score, so that's why I suggest first opening new accounts.

If you have a concern about your wife opening new accounts with your name on them, you may have to freeze your credit.

Freezing your credit means that no one, including you, will be able to access your credit file unless you clearly give permission to do so. These conditions will exist throughout the period that your credit file is frozen. Consumers in every state now can freeze their credit at all three credit reporting agencies. Alternatively, they can place a free fraud alert on their credit reports, which will ask creditors to take additional steps to ensure the application is not fraudulent.

Ideally, your wife and brother-in-law will begin to see that you are concerned and serious about eliminating their ability to add to your debt load. This may help them mend their ways.

I would not, however, hold your breath. If your wife needs marriage, psychological or credit counseling, encourage her to get it. If you live in a community property state, you may have additional problems, as debts acquired while in a marriage usually are considered joint debts even if the other party has no idea they exist.

As for your brother-in-law, you have other options. They begin with a swift (figurative) kick in the pants and go all the way up to pressing fraud charges. You also may consider having your wife and brother-in-law contribute to paying off the debt they have accumulated. You mention that they are piling on the debt, but you don't say whether they occasionally help to reduce the pile. If they haven't been, they should be.

If you have a question for Steve, e-mail debtadviser@bankrate.com. The Debt Adviser is a weekly feature of bankrate.com.