Fighting childhood obesity is no easy task

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Ganett News ServiceBY BRYANT STAMFORD
GANNETT NEWS SERVICE I recently wrote a two-part column about childhood obesity in which I took parents to task for not intervening and allowing their kids to get fat.

I cited denial and lack of concern as contributing factors. Many parents naively believe their children will grow out of it. Statistics tell us otherwise.

Other parents don't see the problem because no symptoms of debilitating disease have appeared yet. This, despite dangerously high levels of cholesterol and blood pressure, plus the black cloud of prediabetes lurking nearby ready to strike their child.

I received many e-mail responses. Most were positive, but I also received e-mails from several parents who were offended by my sweeping generalizations.

I apologize to those parents who truly care about the plight of their overweight children, and who are setting a good example and taking steps to try to reverse the situation.

I also heard from parents who claim they care and want to help but say they can't do anything because their children insist on eating junk food and turn their noses up when healthy food is presented.

Excuse me, but if you really care, you act - even if it's not popular with your children.

Life is about choices

To those struggling parents who truly care, I'd like to share a success story that arose out of failure, frustration, trial and error.

It concerns my son, who became pretty chubby about age 9.

Several factors contributed to his blossoming waistline, including indulgent grandparents who fed him too well during summer vacations in Pittsburgh. Once he started packing on the pounds, we didn't see any way to stop it.

I was setting a good example, and I have another son close in age who remained lean during this time. I found myself nagging, pleading, punishing, bribing - anything that might stop the progressive addition of fat.

Nothing worked. It was too easy for him to eat whatever he wanted when he wanted, and too many co-conspirators were more than willing to aid and abet him.

Finally, out of frustration and the knowledge that my approach was harming my relationship with him, I backed off and let go.

I moved in this direction because of what I was learning in a class on effective parenting. I learned that the most effective means of discipline and evoking change in our children is imposing the law of natural consequences.

My son made choices, and those choices had outcomes. Change the choices, and the outcomes change.

I embraced the notion that he had the power to stop being fat if he would decide to make better choices. But I had to honor the fact that it was his decision.

Sounds simple and reasonable, and it made sense to me. But my trying to teach my son these new things went nowhere. He didn't get it, and he got fatter.

Not taking action and assuming the role of observer was tough. But the only thing I felt I could do was support him and let him know that when he decided he was ready to change, I'd be there to help him in every way I could.

In the meantime, I kept trying to set a good example.

The turning point

I vividly remember the day he came to me and told me he was ready to change. He had just become a teenager, and I think he got tired of the teasing. I suspect his newfound interest in girls had something to do with his decision.

I laid out a simple program for him that included daily exercise and a modest diet. I offered strong support, but I also made it clear I was not going to police him.

To his credit, he followed through, and the weight began to melt off. As he began to change his body, I could see a huge change in his demeanor.

He was no longer a victim. He was in charge. His transformation took about eight months.

The key: I could not have imposed such a program successfully. On the contrary, my son could have foiled my actions in countless ways.

Only when he decided he was ready to buy in did it have a chance. And a big part of deciding he was ready was his understanding the law of natural consequences, plus the fact that he had power over the situation if he chose to act on it.

Another key is - and this is the hard part - I had to back off.

The bottom line

I apologize to parents who are truly trying to make an effort to curb childhood obesity but are unsuccessful for reasons beyond their control.

I know the frustration. And I know how hard it is for parents to admit defeat.

But sometimes setting a good example, being supportive and letting go may be the best thing to do.