Make 'Jason' feel like he's part of the family
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 18 months, and his 9-year-old stepson, "Jason," stays with us every other week. The boy is so clingy, jealous and insecure that he is always at my husband's side. Every five minutes, he walks over to his father to make sure Dad is paying attention to him. He will interrupt our conversations and push me out of the way in order to hug and kiss his father repeatedly.
Jason is getting on my nerves. I am afraid to say anything to my husband because when I once did, he said, "Well, I'll just send him back to his mom to stay all the time," and, of course, this caused a major fight between us.
I am bitter the entire week Jason is in our home. I dread the Sunday he arrives and can't wait for him to go back to his mother. My husband can't see that his son is coming between us. Please help. - Don't Want To Be the Wicked Stepmother
Dear Stepmother: Stepparenting is not for the faint of heart. A young child whose parents have divorced will naturally cling to the parent he sees least often, and it is especially difficult when there is a new spouse in the picture to take Dad's attention away. Instead of resenting this boy, you should be looking for ways to incorporate him into your small family so he feels like part of your life instead of an intrusion. For information and assistance on how to do this, contact the National Stepfamily Resource Center (stepfami lies.info) c/o Dept. of Human Development and Family Studies, 203 Spidle Hall, Auburn University, Auburn, AL 36849.
Dear Annie: I recently started dating a wealthy, retired widower in his early 60s, and we get along great, except that his armpits smell like old sweat socks. I don't think he can smell it. I actually confronted him once, and he said he showers daily and uses soap. I even bought cologne and deodorant for him at Christmas, but it didn't help. We eat the same things, so I don't believe it is his diet.
Do you have any strategic advice on how to get him to address the way he smells? Sex with him is out of the question because I gag when he doesn't have a shirt on. I really like him, so it's important to get my message across without alienating him. - Give Me a Clothespin
Dear Clothespin: Sex can be a powerful motivator. Tell your beau how much you care for him and that you'd like to get closer, but his body pheromones are too strong for you. Ask if you can help him experiment with different deodorants, soaps, laundry detergent, etc., to see if you can find a scent that isn't so powerful. Keep in mind, this could signal a medical condition (in which case he should check with his doctor), or it may just be the way he smells, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Dear Annie: My soon-to-be-ex-husband and I have been together for 20 years, married for nine. During this time, my husband has had three affairs that I know about. When I found out about the last one, I left him and filed divorce papers. He went to live with his girlfriend.
During the time we were together, he was verbally and emotionally abusive, and his abuse accelerated when he was actively in an affair. I endured this. However, I am having an extremely tough time accepting that our marriage is over. Even with him being so nasty and mean to me, I am hurting. I mean, I should be happy that I am finally away from him. I don't understand why I feel this way and I hope you can help. - Should Be Better Off
Dear Better Off: You are mourning the end of a 20-year relationship. You are sad for what might have been, for the hopes and dreams that revolved around this man, and for the time you wasted with someone who ultimately wasn't worth it. Your feelings are normal and, with time, you will get over them. Some short-term counseling can be helpful.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
