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Column

Dear Abby: Wife of perfect husband cheats without remorse

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.

Dear Abby,

I have a wonderful husband of 11 years and three children. “Carl” is attentive, caring and always puts the needs of our family first. You could say he is everyone’s dream husband.

Long story short, I cheated on him while I was on vacation. It started as innocent flirtation, but then it went further. When “Brad” kissed me, I knew it wasn’t going to stop there. Afterward, I not only didn’t feel guilty, I did it again. I have been quietly communicating with Brad and sent him revealing photos and a graphic video of myself. He loved it, and we plan to meet again soon.

Please help me understand why I am cheating on such a wonderful husband. Shouldn’t I feel guilty? What can I do to stop this before it gets out of control and Carl finds out? I really don’t want to lose him.

– Don’t Feel Guilty

Dear Don’t Feel Guilty,

I have a flash for you. This fling is already out of control. While the excitement may have gone out of your marriage, I guarantee that when Carl gets wind of this – start the countdown now – you’ll have an abundance of it.

If you really value your marriage, start devoting as much energy to working on it as you have been directing toward Brad. And pray that Brad is a good enough sport to delete the incriminating photos and video.

Dear Abby,

I am in love with a man who is 28 years younger than I am. I’ll call him Albert. We want to get married, but I’m not sure how much the age difference really matters. We have been seeing each other for almost a year, and I know he loves me. We haven’t told anyone except a few people. My son, 28, and my daughter, 40, don’t know how serious we are. My granddaughter knows everything.

I know my children may object because of the age difference and the fact that Albert is from another country (in Africa). To me, that doesn’t matter, and it may not to them, but Albert is worried that Immigration may question us. We are both private people, and we want to be together as husband and wife.

I can’t give him children, but there are other ways we can have a child of our own. I want my kids to be happy for me. I really need to know what you think.

– Lost in Love
in North Carolina

Dear Lost,

That Albert is afraid of the questions Immigration might ask raises a red flag for me. What I think is that if you choose to proceed – as I suspect you probably will – you should be very cautious doing so.

Dear Abby,

I have a concern I suspect is shared by others. Keeping a journal has been shown to be of significant psychological benefit, but I do not want my private thoughts and concerns read by others after my death. Is this silly of me? I realize I’ll be dead and gone, but the possibility of it happening inhibits me from recording my thoughts and feelings. Thanks for any insights you and/or your readers can offer.

– Private in Virginia

Dear Private,

Unless you have an executor you can trust to dispose of your journals when you are gone, my recommendation would be to keep your journals online, in the cloud, and able to be accessed only by you.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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