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Column

Girlfriend wasn’t expecting to find pregnancy test

Dear Abby,

I am a lesbian. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. We have an awesome relationship and are very happy and open with each other.

I know she has dated guys in the past – so have I – so I’m not worried about that nonsense at all. But I recently found something of hers that surprised me. It was a container of pregnancy tests, and one was missing with a Plan B pill alongside of it. I am not mad about it because I know stuff happens, but I would rather that it not happen in our apartment.

I’m tempted to bring it up, but I would honestly rather not discuss it at all. I just don’t want anything happening in the apartment. Would it be weird if I just threw the stuff out without telling her, or should I say something?

What if she wants to keep it? I don’t think that would be the case, but it would start a fight because, as a female couple, we obviously don’t need a pregnancy test. I know I am overthinking this, and I could use some advice on how to handle this uncomfortable situation.

– Surprised About It

Dear Surprised,

I’m glad you asked. Do not “quietly” throw out those pregnancy tests or the medication. I don’t know what kind of arrangement you have with your live-in girlfriend, but if fidelity was part of the agreement, you should absolutely talk with her about what you found. It does not have to degenerate into a fight, but it’s important that you know why she feels the need to be in an intimate relationship, regardless of gender, with someone else.

Dear Abby,

My husband and I have a wonderful life and much to be thankful for, but we have no children and are usually alone on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Everyone makes such a fuss about sharing these holidays with loved ones, but I become depressed during this season.

I do volunteer work on these holidays, but still feel sad and like everyone else in the country is having a better time than I am. Any suggestions?

– Not so Jolly
in Arizona

Dear Not so Jolly,

You must be a new reader of my column or you would know that every year around holiday time I receive letters from people like you, expressing that rather than feeling joyful and elated, they feel depressed and deprived. Some of it could be the result of the incessant marketing of these holidays, which gives the impression that “everyone” is having a grand old time sipping cider, stuffing themselves with turkey and caroling under the windows of their neighbors.

An antidote for your holiday blues might be to do more than volunteer. Why don’t you and your husband plan to do something special to treat yourselves, rather than stay home feeling like everyone else is enjoying themselves? Choose a different destination each year to visit and learn about.

Or invite some friends or acquaintances to join you at home. There’s a saying that misery loves company, and in your case, company might be the solution to the problem.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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