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Column

Dear Abby: Spouse can't fix what's broken between wife and her mother

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.

Dear Abby,

My wife and I met 4 years ago, have been married for 2 and I still haven’t met her mother. My mother-in-law, a homophobic, self-proclaimed “evangelist prophet,” refuses to acknowledge our union.

Her behavior upsets my wife, which angers me to the point that I have no desire to ever cross paths with her. My wife sometimes cries about this wedge in their relationship, which only makes me resent my mother-in-law more. Is there something I should do or say to either of them that might possibly help all of us deal with this turmoil a little better?

– Frustrated
Lesbian-in-Law

Dear Frustrated,

If the wedge in your wife’s relationship with her evangelist prophet mother is that she is a lesbian and married, there is nothing you can do. Your mother-in-law will either, with time, come to accept it (don’t hold your breath), or your wife will learn through counseling that it is not her responsibility to sacrifice her happiness to please her mother. I hope you will encourage your wife to do that.

Dear Abby,

I have been a daily reader of your column since I was a little girl, so your answer to my question will be valued.

I eat an apple every day on my drive home from work, and when I’m done, I toss the core out the window. I try my best to support the Earth, and I believe I am feeding the rabbits and birds with my apple a day. Friends insist that what I’m doing is littering and helping neither the furry friends nor the environment. Can you help solve the debate – to toss or not to toss? Thanks!

– An Apple a Day

Dear A.A.A.D.,

I, too, love our furry and feathered creatures, but I agree with your friends. What you are doing is littering, regardless of how you’re rationalizing it. If you truly want to support the Earth, keep a small container in your vehicle for the apple core and dispose of it when you get home.

Dear Abby,

I just got together with a guy I really like. We have been dating for about a week, but now I realize I’m just not ready to start dating. I’m 15 and I don’t feel I’m mature enough. Also, I don’t want a boyfriend because I’m moving in a month. Help! I don’t know if I should break up with him. What do I do?

– California Teen

Dear California Teen,

Because you are moving in about a month, I don’t think breaking up in the formal sense is necessary. It couldn’t hurt to tell him you think you may have gotten serious too quickly, because getting serious after a week of dating is too quickly. I have a hunch that once you have moved, distance will solve your problem for you.

P.S. Now that you realize you’re not ready to date, when you have made the move, take a break from romance and concentrate on your studies. You won’t be sorry.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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