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Column

Man frustrated that dating sites are far from picture perfect

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.

Dear Abby,

I was divorced 3 years ago, and recently went on some dating sites to find a possible companion. All the women I met had posted photos that looked nothing like them. It was embarrassing.

You usually meet in a public place, so the gentlemanly thing to do is continue the encounter, only to not follow up. It would be so much nicer if women posted a recent photo/selfie so that there would be no surprises at the first date.

Case in point: I had a date with a lady whose photo showed her to be slim, with black hair. When she showed up she had white hair and she had gained at least 30 pounds. She recognized me from my profile photo, which was recent. Because I’m a gentleman, I made no mention of the discrepancy and made the most of our lunch.

I think women would be wise to place a recent photo on their profile with the caption, “What you see is what you get.” It would eliminate any surprises.

– Disappointed
in Vermont

Dear Disappointed,

I agree there should be more truth in advertising, which is why I’m printing your letter. However, the same can be said for men who have also been known to fudge the truth about their height and weight, and whose photos feature them wearing baseball caps to hide their baldness. There will be a better outcome and fewer disappointments if the “moment of truth” comes before the meeting.

Dear Abby,

I am very frustrated because my soon-to-be husband doesn’t shower often enough. He showers about twice a month – and that’s it. I have tried convincing him to get in the shower with me as foreplay, but he refuses. When I ask him why he won’t shower, he says he showers “enough.” He doesn’t seem depressed or moody. He just smells really bad – especially “down there.”

All of this is recent. Because he washes so infrequently, I have become less willing to have sexual contact with him. His hygiene problems are major. When we first got together, he showered daily or at least every other day. He doesn’t understand how disgusted I am. His behavior is extremely gross and unhealthy. Help!

– The Clean One

Dear Clean One,

You are absolutely right. Your fiance’s poor hygiene is extremely gross and unhealthy. He understands how disgusted you are; he just doesn’t care. He cleaned up before because you hadn’t been “wooed and won” yet. He may change in the future, but not for the better.

You say this personality change is recent. You might be doing him a favor to suggest that it’s time for a checkup with his doctor.

Dear Abby,

What is proper elevator etiquette? I’ve always assumed that passengers should exit the elevator before new ones get on. However, I have seen some people push their way through the door while people are exiting. Shouldn’t they wait until everyone has left the elevator before entering? It seems like common sense.

– Ann in New York

Dear Ann,

It is common sense, and it’s also the rule of etiquette. The people you describe are impatient, ignorant or rude.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby atDearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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