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Dear Abby: Reluctant grandparents veto couple's plan to start family

Dear Abby,

I have been married for almost 5 years, and my husband and I recently decided to try to have a baby. I am really excited about the possibility of being a mom. My problem is, my parents and his parents don’t want to be grandparents.

I will be 30 this year, and they keep telling me I should wait until I’m 40 to have kids. I have endometriosis, and I know if I wait too long it will be even harder to get pregnant.

On top of all the pressure our families are putting me under, I just found out my sister has been married almost a year and hasn’t told anyone. I don’t want to disappoint our families or force something on them they are not ready for. I’m not sure what to do now. I want my husband and me to be happy. Any advice would be appreciated.

– Stressed Out in Ohio

Dear Stressed,

I know you want to be a good daughter, but you are allowing your parents (and in-laws) to weigh in on a decision that should be yours and your husband’s alone. Your reason for not wanting to postpone motherhood makes sense.

Understand that not everyone wants to be a grandparent and be glad you’re finding out upfront that the parents will not be baby-sitting. Many disappointed readers have written me after the fact to express their dismay when they realized it. Take from this the lesson that you must live your own life.

And, by the way, so should your sister. If there are consequences from her elopement, she should experience them. But under no circumstances should you allow yourself to be dragged into her drama.

Dear Abby,

I have a wonderful husband I love deeply and can’t imagine my life without. We have a beautiful marriage. We never fight or really even argue.

We have been together for 11 years and only during the last couple of years has he started doing something that troubles me. In the afternoon or evening, if I need to go to the store – or anywhere for that matter – he gets upset and gives me the silent treatment and doesn’t want me to go.

I trust him and let him do whatever he wants. I have never given him a reason to not trust me, so why does it make him so angry if I need to run to the store? I feel I deserve the same respect and trust that I show him. How do I make him see how much it hurts me for him to act like this?

– Feeling Mistreated in the South

Dear Feeling Mistreated,

What you are describing is a red flag that if ignored could ruin your beautiful marriage. Your husband’s insecurity and need to control you might stem from the fact that he has been hiding something from you. Tell him that you love him, but for the sake of your marriage, the two of you should go to couples counseling.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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