I have a close friend, “Samantha,” whom I met in law school 4 years ago. We both graduated in 2014. I have passed the bar exam, and so have all our friends from school, but Samantha has not.
She was in a bad relationship back in school and planned to marry the guy. That fell apart, and she’s now dating a guy who seems to be pretty great. Samantha has failed the bar exam twice now, and I know she’s smart enough to pass. I have offered encouragement, to help her study and critique her practice essays, but she has refused.
I want to find a way to get through to her that it’s OK to ask for help. I’d like to suggest that maybe she should put the new boyfriend on hold for a while as she studies for the next exam. I know it will be hard for her and most likely embarrassing, but I am her friend, and I want her to get what she worked so hard for.
– Cheering Her On in Brooklyn, New York
You are a caring and well-meaning friend, but Samantha has refused your generous offer. While you may wish she’d put her romance on hold until she passes the bar, it’s possible her emotional needs are greater than you understand. If you want to retain her friendship, back off and let her find her own way through this, or you might wind up driving her away.
My daughter is being married at a resort hotel where the bridal party and spouses, several relatives and friends will be spending the night. This resort has an upscale restaurant on site.
My husband and I are spending a lot on this wedding already. Must we also host a morning-after wedding brunch for everyone staying at the hotel and for other guests who have flown in from out of town (who might be staying at other hotels in the area)? Please advise.
– Brunch For a Bunch
There are no formal rules regarding post-wedding brunches. Usually they are hosted by the bride’s or groom’s family or friends. However, if paying for the brunch would strain your budget, consider inviting your guests to a “no host” brunch at a restaurant that’s less expensive than the one at the hotel.
I’m a 60-year-old semi-retired widower living in central Florida. On hot days (hot, humid days are abundant in central Florida in the summer), I have taken to wearing a kilt. The kilts are the most comfortable garments I have ever owned.
Most folks are tolerant hereabouts, but I do get some odd looks. I say it is my right to be comfortable and to heck with the (very few) snickers I get while riding the bus, at the library, post office or grocery store. Abby, am I normal or just a bit nuts?
– Odd Looks in Florida
Dear Odd Looks,
I don’t think it’s “nuts” to want to be comfortable. If wearing a kilt provides the ventilation you need to feel comfortable, I say more power to you. However, I would not classify you as normal because most people prefer to just blend in, and what you’re doing is unusual.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.