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Dear Abby

Guest marks his territory, in wrong bathroom

Dear Abby: My husband has a male co-worker, "Bo," who comes to our house occasionally. We have two bathrooms, one of which is in our bedroom. The other is the guest bathroom.

When Bo needs to use the restroom, he goes into our bedroom and uses ours. He never asks; he just goes in, even after I have pointed out the guest bathroom. It creeps me out. I feel like he's invading my personal space, and I think it's rude.

What can I do, since pointing out the guest bathroom hasn't worked? Bo is intimidating.

He thinks he can do whatever he wants. Please tell me what I can do. – Creeped Out in Greenville

Dear Creeped Out: I agree your husband's co-worker's behavior is creepy. If you have medications in your bathroom, you should check to be sure he isn't helping himself to some of them when he visits.

Because you can't seem to convey the message to "Bo the Boor," before his next visit, ask your husband to tell him that guests are supposed to use the guest bathroom. And if that doesn't discourage him, install a lock on your bedroom door.

Dear Abby: My 21-year-old daughter, "Alex," and her 6-year-old moved into an apartment with her 18-year-old boyfriend. We had a tough time accepting this, but I make do because I love Alex and want to be part of her life.

My boyfriend of 8 years, "Niles," can't accept my daughter's new boyfriend. We were invited over for dinner and Niles refused to go.

How do I handle this? I feel all future events will be strained and I'll be forced to choose between my daughter and Niles. Please advise. – Sad Mother in New Jersey

Dear Sad Mother: Tell Niles that if you must choose between him and your daughter, you will choose your daughter. Her romance may – or may not – last forever, but your relationship with her will. There is nothing to be gained by punishing her and alienating her young man. If Niles has a problem with that, do not let him make it your problem, too. Continue your relationship with your daughter and see Niles separately.

Dear Abby: Today is my 50th birthday. I'm a person with a few close friends, but I'm not widely social.

The members of my book club knew it was my birthday when we met a few days ago. I had mentioned it before our meeting. Nothing was said when we met.

My best friend is going on vacation and hasn't remembered. My husband asked me what plans I had made for us to do today. My sister, bless her, has been wonderful and feels responsible to try to make this day special for me.

Is it really my job to plan a celebration and remind everyone I'm close to? I have talked enough about how important this particular birthday is to me. I'm hurt that no one feels I'm worth the effort. Am I making too big a deal out of this? – Vexed in Vermont

Dear Vexed: I think so. My dear mother used to say, "If you want something done right, do it yourself!" That's good advice when those around you are too preoccupied to be as nurturing as you would like them to be.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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