War of words continues long after divorce
Before my ex-husband and I were married, I became pregnant with his baby. We decided together that we weren’t ready for the responsibility and made the mutual decision to end the pregnancy early in the first trimester. We did marry eventually and had a baby girl a few years ago who is now in college.
We divorced many years ago because of his many affairs, including one with his best friend’s wife. I have come to believe that my ex told our daughter about our decision out of spite because I told her about the affairs when she was old enough to understand since she may have a half-sister.
Should I ask my daughter about this or let it go? It was a very private decision, and I think he is a creep for hurting her by telling her.
– Furious in Illinois
Why do you think you ex spilled the beans to your daughter? Has she been behaving differently toward you? Why do you think she “may” have a half-sister?
Are you sure it isn’t more than one – or a brother or two?
The fact that you terminated a pregnancy before your daughter’s birth has nothing to do with her. If you think there is something festering between you and your daughter, my advice is to clear the air before it gets worse.
My boyfriend and I have been together since August 2012 and have lived together since last summer. He is perfect in every way. He wakes me every morning with a smile and a kiss and pours me a cup of tea. He never goes anywhere without letting me know he thinks I’m beautiful and telling me how much he loves me.
He gets home before I do most nights, has a glass of wine and a hot bath waiting for me, and cooks dinner while I’m in the tub. He’s amazing! The only problem is, I was with sooo many of the wrong men for years, I have forgotten how to spoil a man in return.
I want him to know how much I appreciate and love him, but I don’t know how. I just want him to know he’s the one I want to sit on the porch with one day, watching our grandchildren play. I don’t want to lose him because he thinks I don’t appreciate all he does. Please help.
– Knows A Good Thing in New Jersey
When your boyfriend does something for you, thank him for it. Tell him you love him and give him affection in abundance. Express how fortunate you feel to have him in your life. Look for things you can do that will make his life easier, and put forth an effort to reciprocate the many thoughtful things he does for you. Every man is different, but this would be a good start in getting your message across.
Is it too late for me to go back to school and get a degree and pursue a career I would enjoy?
I’m 53, married and the mother of two children, 19 and 23. I didn’t finish college, and I don’t know what to do with my life. The only jobs I have ever had were as a retail salesperson. With one child just out of college, I am unsure if I could even afford to continue my education.
Where would I go to find answers about returning to school at my age, choosing a major and finding the money to pay for it? Any advice would be appreciated.
– Too Old For New Tricks?
Dear Too Old,
Contact the nearest university or college and ask if it offers career counseling and aptitude testing to determine what you would need to complete your education and find a career you’d be suited for. Many schools offer this service.
As for it being too late to do this at 53 – it’s never too late. People in their 90s have earned degrees and been enriched by it, and so can you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.