Meeting ‘Good Guy’ online requires serious search
Dear Abby: May I address a question you printed on July 24? "Where Are the Good Guys?" has trouble meeting men and wrote about seeking sexual partners on Craigslist. You answered that there were no good men there.
Well, I met my boyfriend of two years through a "no strings attached" ad I posted on Craigslist. It turns out we had a strong attraction and chemistry, and he's one of my best friends. So what if we were adults who wanted a casual relationship to start with? Don't judge everyone that way.
The reason that woman is having problems is she's using the site to find sex partners when she really wants more. She needs to look in the "relationship" section or on a relationship site. Don't blame men for wanting to have sex when that's what she's advertising. They aren't all "bad." They are actually more truthful than she is. – Happily Coupled in Omaha
Dear Happily Coupled: I heard from many readers who described successful relationships that started online. I did not mean to imply that there are no good men on Craigslist. My concern was the writer was looking for a meaningful, lasting relationship in a category where people look for casual sex. Others identified with "W.A.T.G.G.'s" problem and were quick to offer their views:
Dear Abby: I'm a female, 59, and like the woman in that letter, also not considered beautiful. But I do have two very good men friends in my life, and I met them both online.
There ARE men of quality out there. You just have to be careful and read between the lines. Abby, online personals are the new "bar scene." – Donna in Missouri
Dear Abby: While I agree with you that she should talk to a psychologist about her low self-esteem, it IS possible to find a true partner online IF you are dedicated and serious. I subscribed to a dating service 3 1/2 years ago and met a wonderful woman on the site. We are married now and expecting our first baby. – Happy Husband in Miami
Dear Abby: "Where Are the Good Guys?" says she's "not beautiful by any means," and that means meeting good guys won't happen. That is SO not the case!
I was a homecoming queen and have always been attractive, but many of the men I dated married plainer women because they were looking for wife-and-mother types and not a high-maintenance beauty queen. You don't meet the "right" men because of your looks; you meet them in the right PLACES where you have common interests – church, volunteer work and all the other places that Dear Abby keeps telling folks about! – Ruth in Virginia
Dear Abby: When I was younger, I had problems with low self-esteem and also engaged in a series of meaningless relationships. From past experience, I strongly encourage this lady to have herself checked for STDs if she had unprotected sex with any of these men. Making sure you protect your health is a major step in learning to love and care for yourself. Also, when Mr. Right does come along, she won't have to worry about her health status hanging over her head. – Have Really Been There in Denver
Dear Abby: I'm a "good guy," and there are many other guys like me. If she would put in the time and effort to talk to one of us, get to know us, she will find what she's looking for. I am so sick of women saying they want a nice guy and then running in the opposite direction. Her words say one thing, but her actions say something else. – Out Here Waiting in Cleveland
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.