Sometimes women have no answer when asked, “Didn’t you see the signs of violence in him before you married him?” I know I didn’t.
I think some abusers are so cunning and skilled that they groom you into trusting them. You think they are the best thing since sliced bread. They buy you gifts, go to church with you, and call you using sweet endearments. They seem as if they want to always be near you. Looking back, that daily closeness should have been a red flag, but you’re just seeing hearts.
Then, shortly after you marry, the wonderful things stop and the nightmares begin. The guy zeros in on a woman who is lonely and starved for attention. He knows he can control her. He steps in like a hero and gives her all the attention she’s been longing for.
Soon, that attention turns to obsession, isolation, and violence. He wants your world to revolve around him only. If not, he punishes you. You wonder: “Who is this person I married? He scares me to death. He’s not the man he said he was. This man is cruel, possessive, and unpredictable. You want to call the police for protection but he says he’ll kill you if you do. How do I get out of this alive?”
There are churches and the YWCA that can help women caught in this terribly dangerous relationship. The YWCA hotline is 815-626-7277 or 815-288-1011.