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Enabling mother making a bad situation worse

Dear Abby: My 22-year-old daughter and her two young children live with me. She doesn't work, which is fine. I don't mind supporting her because I'd rather have the kids see their mom.

I spent most of my life as a single mom, working long hours and not seeing my kids. My work has finally paid off, and I'm at a point where, while not rich, I can support my daughter and grandbabies.

The problem is the baby daddy. He has a history of drug abuse, theft and jail time. He works only part-time jobs, which he loses monthly. He gives my daughter nothing and treats her as if she owes him.

I don't want to support him, but he has moved in and won't leave my house. I have told him to go, that he's welcome to visit the kids, but he ignores me. It's like talking to a wall. He won't even acknowledge that I told him to leave. He acts like he's king of the castle when it's my home! I can't take it anymore. I pay all the bills.

I told my daughter, and she ignores me as well. My oldest son has offered to talk to them for me. I don't want to lose my grandbabies. They are my purpose in life. Please help. – Furious in Pennsylvania

Dear Furious: Part of your problem may be the degree to which you enable your daughter. You won't be around forever. She needs to learn to be independent so she can support herself and those children. Clearly, Baby Daddy isn't man enough to be of any assistance.

If he has lived with you for a while, you may need a lawyer to get him out. According to Los Angeles attorney Lee Dresie: "You can get rid of the freeloader by giving him a 30-day 'notice to leave' in writing. It should say, 'You have 30 days to leave my home. If you don't, I will bring an action to evict you.' If he still refuses to go, consult an attorney who specializes in eviction law."

This is Abby again: Be sure you have a witness present when the notice is given so Baby Daddy can't deny receiving it. Your son could be that witness, and yes, he should be asked to lead the discussion on how to resolve this situation.

It is also troubling that the daughter for whom you provide food and shelter is ignoring you. You're treated this way because you don't assert yourself. Please do it before Baby Daddy impregnates her again and you have four people to support.

Dear Abby: I'm 27 and have an issue that has bothered me for most of my life. I have overly hot/sweaty hands and feet. When I was dating women, they wouldn't want to hold my hand, which bothered me a lot. Also, my friends sometimes make fun of me for it.

I am entering a profession that will require lots of handshaking with potential clients. This will be an issue for me because I don't want to make a bad impression. Do you have any suggestions? – Sweaty in North Dakota

Dear Sweaty: Yes! There is help for your problem, and the way to get it is to talk with a dermatologist. There is a product that can curb the excessive sweating (hyperhidrosis), but a doctor must prescribe it for you. Botox injections could also help, but they should be administered by a physician. There is also a machine used to treat this condition. The dermatologist can help you decide which solution would be the best for you.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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