Dear Abby: I have a friend who I believe is having an affair. I have no concrete evidence, only a slew of circumstantial evidence such as odd work hours, blocks of mystery time set aside at night in his cellphone's day planner, and evading questions about texts from females.
I have no idea how to approach him, or if I even should. I wouldn't know how to begin the conversation with him because I have no solid proof. I always considered him to be a decent individual, but in the back of my mind now I'm thinking, "He's cheating on his wife!" What makes me uneasy is that it's all based on my hunch. I'm usually pretty good with my hunches, though.
Any words of wisdom would be welcome. – Nick in New England
Dear Nick: What are you doing going through your friend's cellphone day planner and reading his texts? He doesn't have to account to you for his time. For all you know the man may be in a 12-step program or a therapy group. If he wanted you to know what he's doing, he would tell you. Right now the "friendliest" thing you can do is mind your own business.
Dear Abby: I have worked at my job almost 10 years. Most of the owners are nice, and the staff is great. I like my job most days.
I had a really bad week recently. I felt like I couldn't do anything right. The week ended with a really angry text from my boss. He was right. I was in the wrong, and I apologized. He sent me another text, still angry, and my whole weekend was ruined by it. I kept thinking how mad he was, and how in a few days, I'd start my week in the doghouse.
I can't figure out how not to take work home with me. Also, I can't help but think he was wrong using a text as a means of discussing the issue. I don't want to make him angrier. How do I confront this issue? –Still Upset in Oregon
Dear Still Upset: It would have been much better management if your boss had talked with you face to face about what was wrong with your performance. By now, your boss should have cooled off, and I suggest that you have a private chat with him and say that if he has a bone to pick with you, you would prefer to hear it from his lips rather than have it communicated in a text, which was hurtful.
Dear Abby: After my best friend of more than 20 years, I'll call him Tim, told me his wife had cheated on him, I confessed that I am in love with him. His response floored me. Tim announced that he has been in love with me all this time and can imagine growing old with only me.
A friend told me I'm committing adultery with Tim because he is now in the process of leaving his cheating wife for me. Am I? We haven't been intimate, nor do we plan to sleep with each other until the divorce is final.
I have loved Tim far longer than she has been in the picture, and I feel this is a chance for happiness that fate has offered us and we are meant to grow old together. Are we wrong to pursue a relationship? – Conflicted in California
Dear Conflicted: If Tim has been in love with you all these years, he couldn't have had much of a marriage. His wife's infidelity was his "get out of jail" ticket and he took it. I don't know what your "friend's" definition of adultery is, but according to Webster's dictionary, you're not committing it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.