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Porn addiction robs marriage of passion

Dear Abby: I need help and I can't talk to anyone I know, so I'm pouring my heart out to you. My husband is addicted to online porn. Our sex life has suffered massively because of it. He seems uninterested in sex with me. I had a feeling that it might be something or someone else.

My woman's intuition told me there had to be a reason for him turning to porn, so I checked our computer's history log and found he has been surfing gay porn. He does watch straight porn, but now peppers it with male-on-male porn as well.

It has shattered my world. I don't know what to think or what to do. I can't discuss this with my family. They would never view him in the same way again. Help! – J. in Brighton, England

Dear J.: Your husband may be curious, bisexual or have discovered (late) that he is gay. It happens. You need to have a frank conversation with him. Remain calm, stay strong and remember that you, too, are entitled to a sex life. You have nothing to lose by discussing this, and everything to gain.

If you need more help afterward, consider going online and contacting the Straight Spouse Network at www.straightspouse.org.

Dear Abby: I have been in therapy for four years. I like my therapist, who has helped me immensely. However, over the past year she has become increasingly tardy in keeping her appointment times.

I understand there are sometimes emergencies, but being a half-hour late every week is excessive. I feel it is disrespectful to me. She keeps saying I just don't understand.How can I get across to her how frustrated I am? Or do I need to find a new therapist? – By The Clock in Connecticut

Dear By The Clock: Tell your therapist exactly how this is affecting you and ask what HER problem is. She owes you an explanation.

I agree that being late for your appointment is disrespectful if it happens regularly. You may need to find another therapist. If that's the case, be sure to tell her why you are leaving. It takes courage to be assertive, but it will help you in your personal growth.

Dear Abby: Please help me with a delicate situation between me and my husband of 7 years.

For our 20th anniversary, my first husband gave me a diamond anniversary ring. After running across it again, I have recently started wearing it.

My husband is very offended that I have chosen to do this. I wear it on the middle finger of my left hand. (The knuckle on my right hand was broken when I was a teen and it won't fit on that hand.)

I have tried explaining that there is no sentimental reason for wearing the ring. It's just a beautiful piece of jewelry. He doesn't want me to wear it at all, but I do. Do you have any advice? – Likes The Sparkle in Wisconsin

Dear Likes The Sparkle: While the ring may be just a beautiful piece of jewelry to you, to your husband it may symbolize the 20-plus years you spent with someone else. Ask if he would mind if you had the stones in the ring remounted into something you could wear on your right hand – or consider selling it and using the money to buy another piece of jewelry that would be less threatening to your current spouse.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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