My boyfriend of one year, “Eddie,” has been invited to the wedding of a waitress who works at a restaurant/bar he frequents. I was not invited. Eddie doesn’t dance and has slow-danced with me only once. When I told him I would not appreciate him slow-dancing with anyone there, we had a heated argument. Eddie told me I have no right to tell him what to do and that I’m trying to control him.
I have run this by many people – male and female – and they all say it’s inappropriate to slow-dance with anyone but your significant other, especially when she’s not present.
I feel Eddie has little regard for my feelings. If he really cared for me, he wouldn’t want to dance with anyone else. I am interested in your thoughts.
– His Only Dance Partner
Dear His Only,
If you would like to “graduate” from girlfriend to fiancée, you will stop trying to control him and tell him you hope he has a good time at the wedding.
Insecurity is not an attractive trait, so calm down and recognize that a dance is only a dance. From your description of Eddie’s lack of ability, I seriously doubt he will be a sought-after partner on any dance floor.
Our two children (ages 4 and 1 year) have hyphenated last names. It works well and the names sound elegant together.
My husband and I have made this known in the family and have discussed it when asked about it by various family members. However, over the last four years our choice has been ignored by two relatives from separate sides of our family. They persist in using only my husband’s last name for correspondence and gifts. He has suggested returning the mail as “addressee unknown,” which I think might come across as rude.
Is there any way of having our children addressed correctly by relatives who seem to want to ignore their real names?
– New York Mommy
Before doing it your husband’s way, try this: Have another chat with the non-compliant relatives, who may come from a different generation. Explain that you gave your children hyphenated last names for a reason – that you want to be equally represented – and the omission of “your” name hurts your feelings. If that doesn’t work, then go to back to plan A because you don’t want your children to be confused.
My wife and I will be married 25 years and have three children. In my family, my dad was the boss. I always was, too, but never was involved very much with the kids. My wife never really complained about it. She just wanted to keep the family together.
Now that the kids are gone, I realize I should have been a better husband. She mostly ignores me and spends her time with the kids and going places. I feel left out. She doesn’t even want to celebrate our upcoming 25th. Should we? I know my dad drank a lot, and now I find myself thinking often about how it must have been for my mom back then.
– Regretting in Illinois
Ask your wife why she doesn’t think that 25 years of marriage is something to celebrate, because it should be. She may spend her time with the kids and going places because that is what she HAS been doing for all these years.
There is still time for you to mend this marriage, provided you are both willing to work on it. However, it may take the services of a marriage counselor to break the ice.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.