Son discovers secret ‘friend’ in text messages

For the last few months, my dad has been acting weird. He spends a lot of time talking to and texting “a friend” on the phone. The problem is, although the friend has a male name (“George”) in his contacts, the person has a female voice. I didn’t think anything about it until recently, when I turned on Dad’s phone to play a game and it was open to a series of text messages between him and this “friend.” What I saw made it clear that something is up. Mom knows nothing about it.

I love my father, but I don’t think I can handle this. I can’t believe he’d do this to our family, especially since all of us are going through a really hard time lately.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to tell anyone because I don’t want our family to fall apart. But I can’t stay quiet. What should I do?

– Blindsided in Jersey

Dear Blindsided: I agree that you can’t keep quiet about this. What you saw was, of course, shocking – and the person you should talk to about it is your father. Sometimes when people are going through a really tough time, they do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do. Your mother may – or may not – have an inkling that something is going on.

Ask your father if the text means he plans to leave the family. Then give him a deadline to come clean with your mother, and let him know that if he doesn’t, you will. You have my sympathy.

Dear Abby: My husband was sober for 14 years. He started drinking again 2 years ago. He’s on probation and drinking is a clear violation of his probation. His liver enzymes are elevated, and I can’t seem to find the right words to get his attention. I have thought about contacting his probation officer, but then he will be incarcerated.