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Dear Abby

Bisexual wife is of two minds about coming out

Dear Abby: After years of denial I have come to realize that I am bisexual. I'm happily married to a straight man, and we have a great marriage I wouldn't change for the world. He is my soul mate, and we plan to be together for many years to come. I just happen to be physically attracted to women, too.

Some people say I can't be bisexual if I've never been with a woman; I say they're wrong. Am I correct?

How do I deal with this in social situations? I'm afraid to put it on my social media profile for fear of a backlash from my family. I'd like my friends to know, but it doesn't feel proper to just come out and say, "I'm bi."

I was hoping some of your readers might be able to give me some input. How does one "come out" without overdoing it or coming across the wrong way? Is there a right way? Should I continue keeping it a secret?

I'm not sure what to do with my revelation. I have pondered it for some time now, and felt I could trust you to give me tactful, unbiased advice. – Bi in the Deep South

Dear B.I.T.D.S.: Bisexuality is having an attraction to people of both sexes, and yes, it is possible to be bisexual without having acted upon it.

However, being married means you are (happily) involved in a monogamous relationship. To announce that you are bisexual and/or put it on the Internet would be a mistake, in my opinion, not only because it would shock your family, but also because it might seem like you were advertising that you are "available." Unless you are promiscuous, you are NOT available. Most married people agree to be committed to their spouses regardless of whether they are straight, gay or bi.

If you choose to confide your diverse sexual orientation to your close friends, that is your business. But if you do, please remember that once two people know something, there's a strong likelihood of the news spreading faster than the flu.

P.S. If you do decide to divulge, be sure to tell your husband first.

Dear Abby: I work in a jewelry store where the associates get generous discounts. I mentioned the amount of my discount at one family party, and ever since, my brother-in-law has continued to ask to use it for my sister.

Abby, letting others use my discount is strictly forbidden. Although the store may never find out, this goes against my morals.

My sister's birthday is in 6 weeks, and today I told him we can split the cost for the item she wants. I offered because I felt pressured. I have now decided that I can't go against my morals, plus the item is pretty expensive even with my discount.

How do I tell him no? I have told him before that it's against company policy, but the message isn't getting through. – Feeling Used in Georgia

Dear Feeling Used: Tell your brother-in-law that even with the discount, splitting the cost of the birthday gift is too much for you. Then reiterate firmly that doing this is against company policy and could cost you your job. It's the truth.

While the conversation may not be pleasant, it's important to deliver the message now so he can make other arrangements to pay for that expensive piece of jewelry your sister is expecting.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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