Daughter needs to treat stepmother with respect
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 9 years. It’s a second marriage for both of us. The problem is my husband’s 30-year-old daughter.
“Courtney” and her sister live in another state, and we visit them and their children three times a year. It is very stressful for me, as Courtney, has not spoken to me since my marriage to her father. She refuses to acknowledge that we are together. My husband’s other daughter is nice, although a bit on the cool side.
Courtney is a single mother. When she had financial problems, I gave her a $200 check, hoping it would help our relationship. She didn’t even thank me.
I think my husband should speak to her, but he won’t. This is causing strain between us. Should I confront Courtney?
– Distressed in
Michigan
Dear Distressed: In an effort to avoid conflict with his daughter, your husband is doing all of you a grave disservice. He needs to insist that Courtney treat you with respect. She doesn’t have to like you, but she will never develop a tolerance for the relationship if she isn’t pushed in that direction. At the very least, she should speak to you and graciously acknowledge any gift you give her. If your husband refuses to support you in this, you don’t need to keep visiting Courtney and putting up with her ill-mannered attitude. Let him see her on his own.
Dear Annie: When my mother married many years ago, she had a seamstress create her wedding dress. I wore that same dress at my first wedding. I have two sons from that marriage, but I doubt either of them would want their brides to wear the dress, since that marriage ended in divorce.
My question is: What do I do with the dress? It’s satin and beautiful.
– Kentucky
Dear Kentucky: It is not a good idea to make assumptions about your sons’ future brides. A custom-made vintage wedding dress could be quite alluring and altered enough to make it lose any negative association. If no one in the family wants it, however, you should have no problem finding it a good home. Some resale shops specialize in “pre-owned” bridal gowns. You also can sell it on eBay or donate it to one of a place that loans dresses to brides who cannot afford it.
Dear Annie: My wife passed away three years ago after a long battle with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease). I visited her every day.
My plea to visitors of these patients is a simple one: Please, please, whenever possible, make physical contact with the patient. Hold their hands, stroke their face, comb their hair, massage them, and most of all, talk and sing to them, regardless of whether or not you think they can hear you.
Often visitors will stand off to the side of the bed, saying little or nothing. The patient already feels isolated and alone. Touching and conversing give some modicum of comfort and normalcy. And on some days, you may be the only contact the patient has, making your voice and your touch that much more important.
Hopefully, this letter will be of some help to the readers out there. – East Haven, Conn.
Dear East Haven: Thank you for your kind and compassionate suggestions. We hope our readers will remember them when they next visit someone who is in need of a loving and healing touch.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. E-mail questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.
