Teen girls desperately need father figures

Do you know a teenage girl who has an unhealthy approach to life? Maybe she’s dating at 13. Or, is she plotting to run away from home and quit school?

Most of us can name several young girls we’re worried about. She may be a niece, daughter, granddaughter or friend’s child. But, we know her future looks shaky.

Young girls need emotional grounding that only male figures can provide. Ideally, this will be their fathers or grandfathers. Emotionally mature uncles or family friends can serve in this position, as well.

“My own daughter got pregnant at 14,” says a former minister we’ll call Gene. “I was traveling constantly, and I was not there for her. When I finally settled down to face the needs of my family, my daughter was a mess.”

What Gene didn’t realize is that a young girl needs a male figure to guide her on a daily basis. Even if a dad travels for work or vacations out of the country, he must keep daily contact with his children.

When divorce enters the picture, fathers often disappear altogether. It can be difficult for single mothers to fill in for this lost male energy.

These tips can help:

■ Create closeness with other families. Join a civic group, church or volunteer organization whereby your daughters participate in activities with mature male figures. Even a small amount of conversation and closeness to trustworthy adult males is important.

■ Don’t strive for perfection. All families have an uncle who drinks a little too much or a grandfather who uses a little too much profanity. Seek out male figures who have kind, caring personalities and spend some time with them.

■ Heal from divorce. Even if you dislike your ex-husband, help your child have a responsible relationship with him. Taking away a father figure will cause more problems than it will solve.

“I do some volunteer work on weekends,” says a woman we’ll call Gail. “I include my twin daughters, both 12, in working at a food bank. There are several young males in their late twenties who guide my daughters in lots of ways. They sit down with them and explain how to deal with needy families and how to offer kindness and love by the way they speak to others. These young men are a very positive influence on all of our lives.”