Parents not obligated to pay
Dear Annie: My son, “Terry,” is 30 and newly divorced with two sons. My husband and I have been helping him since he had a hard time finding a job. He lived with us for 3 months. My husband (his stepfather) bought him a car and insurance, so he could get to work and be able to pick up his boys.
In April, Terry moved into an apartment. We paid the security deposit and first month’s rent.
He found a job in June, but with child support payments, he still had a hard time with the rent, so we continued to help him through the summer.
The problem is, in August, he let “Larry” move in with him. Larry is an alcoholic with no job. He has a filthy mouth and is into porn.
Terry says he’s just “helping him out.” We think this is terrible and have decided to stop giving Terry money for rent because we don’t want to help Larry. I don’t think our grandsons should be around this man.
Terry says he doesn’t need our permission to let someone move in. I believe if he were paying his own way, it wouldn’t be my business. Am I wrong for not wanting to help anymore? – Slapped in the Face
Dear Slapped: You are absolutely right. You are not obligated to pay your son’s rent under any circumstances.
If he chooses to bring an unsavory character into his life, that is his choice, but you don’t have to subsidize it.
Don’t be angry. Be firm and practical. Tell him he can do what he wishes, but he’ll be doing it on his own.
If you feel you must help him in some way, offer to pay a portion of his child support.
Dear Annie: November is Prematurity Awareness Month. My wife and I would like to share the story of our daughter’s birth, in the hope that it will encourage women to get prenatal care during pregnancy.
Lauren was born at 26.5 weeks, weighing 2 pounds and 1 ounce, and spent 5 frightening months in the hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit before we could bring her home.
As an African-American, my wife had a higher risk of an early delivery, and even though she did everything right, she still went into preterm labor.
Today, Lauren is a healthy, beautiful 5-year-old with lots of personality and a keen intelligence. Her only medical concern is asthma. We are convinced that my wife’s prenatal and personal care helped with Lauren’s overall health, despite her early birth.
We want to warn other parents about the seriousness of premature birth and let them know there are things they can do to lower the chances that their baby will be born too soon.
Parents can get information about the warning signs of preterm labor and how to help give their baby a healthy start in life at marchofdimes.com/fightforpreemies on the Web. – Densel and Nikki Fleming
Dear Densel and Nikki Fleming: We are glad your daughter is a healthy 5-year-old, and we appreciate your letting our readers know about the Web site so they, too, can give their babies the best possible start.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. E-mail questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
